Paranoia and Bedframes
by Marijn
Summary: The last thing Sasuke expected when he began his methodical check of his quarters that night was a sodden mattress. [SuigetsuSasuke]


**Title:** 'In Which An Escape Attempt Gives Sasuke A Headache'  
**Character(s):** Sasuke, Suigetsu, cameo appearance by Kabuto.  
**Rating:** (12A) for implied nudity and violence.  
**Summary:** _The last thing Sasuke expected when he began his methodical check of his quarters that night was a sodden mattress._

The last thing Sasuke expected when he began his methodical check of his quarters that night was a sodden mattress. Actually, the last thing he expected was probably something more along the lines of a complete lack of newly planted traps, or being able to walk across the floor without having to duck at least two whistling blades, one spray of flesh-eating acid, and a burst of fire.

The detail that there were kunai already jammed into the far wall, a sizable chunk of floor melted away, and burn marks on the ceiling, as well as aforementioned sodden mattress, led him to believe that All Was Not Right.

In fact, when his mattress let out a startled yelp as he stabbed his sword into its centre, he began to suspect that the entire thing was an elaborate genjutsu designed to keep him still while Kabuto severed all of his leg tendons. As he rather enjoyed the use of his legs, he ran through several exotic dispelling techniques, each only triggering quiet grumbling from the bed. His sword slid through the slats and onto the floor, now soaking wet. He eyed it for a moment.

"Geez, paranoid much?" his bedding asked him, just as Sasuke decided that the voice was simply a transformation technique meant to play on his lack of sleep and torched the entire area with a mid-sized fireball. After the fires had died down and the steam had condensed onto his robes and skin until the room looked like a sauna – all was quiet, people had stopped reacting to the strange noises and lights from his quarters months ago – he dragged several old robes onto the blackened bed frame and settled in.

Just as he was entering the stage of sleep that meant he would likely only destroy everything in a three-metre radius if startled, his robes began to hum. Not a quiet, melodic hum, but some kind of atonal dirge that sounded like an entire flock of sparrows dying in unison. For a while, Sasuke just let them continue, too exhausted to offer constructive criticism or even wonder why the robes of a powerful Uchiha would be utterly tone-deaf.

He wasn't entirely certain at what point he began to see hands solidifying from out of his obi, but it was just before the point in which he realised that some liquid force was pinning him to the bed whilst maintaining the drowsy humming. He struggled against the sheet of water, but one of the hands arched out of the mass and managed to flick him on the side of his head before it was bitten.

"Go to sleep," the voice said as it broke off from the tune. "You're such a freak, seriously."

Now keeping out of the reach of Sasuke's teeth, the arms planted themselves either side of his hips and pushed, somehow propelling a head and shoulders out of the pooling water. "I'm not going to kill you or whatever. See?" The boy – because it became quite apparent that it _was_ male - formed completely and settled comfortably onto both bed and Uchiha.

The stranger had three things – no obvious weapons, a wide grin, and no clothes whatsoever. The first was a reassuring advantage; the last two were fairly disturbing when one was pinned to a bed without the chakra necessary to reduce one's captor to a gibbering wreck with a bland stare.

Orochimaru had tried surprise attacks by favoured (or disfavoured) minions before, but he honestly didn't remember any others without clothes. Except for that one girl with the ribbons, but-

"I'm staying here for the day," his captor announced suddenly, the last traces of moisture soaking up into his hands from the robes, "It's the one place he won't make them look, yeah? So shut up for a few hours."

Clearly this was one of the monthly escape attempts by the more exotic of Orochimaru's subjects, if a rather intrusive one. Usually they avoided this area of the compound like the plague, for very good reasons. Tired of it, Sasuke shifted, ready to push the other boy from the bed, and was latched onto rapidly.

"Hey, don't be like that." He was given a flash of teeth, and then a puzzled look as a full-strength Chidori Nagashi discharged through his body. Shaking his head like a wet dog, the boy turned speculative eyes to the ground and arced one leg onto the stone. Steam hissed and rose as the current ran to earth. "Water conducts, genius."

Sasuke's stare grew blander still, and the bed creaked in protest as he threw the stranger onto the floor with a twisting kick. He flickered to stand beside the boy, who was dripping water from a gash in his back.

"Your name," he said, "and why I should care."

"Suigetsu," the boy replied, straight-faced, "and because I'm incredibly hot."

The second kick went all the way through Suigetsu's stomach, and left Sasuke ankle-deep in solid water. He tried to tug it out a few times, but was just pulled in further. Suigetsu grinned at him, already reforming around the captured leg, and was blasted to the side as the foot was wrenched free.

"Sasuke-kun?"

Both boys froze – one reaching for his sword, the other creating himself a new set of ribs – and the latter shrugged fatalistically as Kabuto threw open the chamber door and started at the sight before him. "Ah, Suigetsu-kun. We were starting to think you'd been kidnapped. You've missed five sessions, and you know how Orochimaru-sama gets when his research is halted."

The grin faded from Suigetsu's face, and he stood slowly, half of his abdomen still formless and dripping. He winked at Sasuke, who stood passive but aware of what Kabuto himself searching meant, and gave him a jaunty wave before preceding a smiling Kabuto from the room.

"I guess I'll see you later."

The door clicked shut.

Sasuke watched it in bemusement, and then turned to inspect his now uninhabitable quarters.

Maybe he could get a transfer.


End file.
